Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
