You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
