Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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