I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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