I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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