After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
