it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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