I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
