she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
it's like heaven, but drunker
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
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This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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