I met the friendliest cop last night
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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