dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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