hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
