Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
