I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize