you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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