Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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