i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My liver just had a heart attack.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I need to calm my uterus...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
