Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
