evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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