I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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