My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
