u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
