Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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