sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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