Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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