Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think a kid would responsible me up
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
