do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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