Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
