I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
