So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
