too bad you live with your parents still
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
