I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
