my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
