I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
