apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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