So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
