I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
