i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
