this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
