I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
