I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
