omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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