I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Even my vagina gasped.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
