Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
