shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
