His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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