The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
