the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
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It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
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I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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