Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
