One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
