I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
