I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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