HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize