I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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