if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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