my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I understand Curling. That high.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
