I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
