So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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