I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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