just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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