we made out on top of his cat.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
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Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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