Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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