I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
