i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
