got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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