His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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