My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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