My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
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you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
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don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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