She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
