He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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